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[05 Jan 2010|08:32am] |
The old year has passed and the new has come and while everyone else has been reflecting and resoluting on each, I've been too preoccupied with bumming around and enjoying myself to do either. Everyday has been a day full of seeing the faces I want to see and talking about the stuff I want to talk about and playing with the balls I want to play with. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist that. Except for the Sunday where I fell completely sick, these christmas and new year breaks have been awesome.
Though sometime last year it seemed as if all hope was gone and I was going to live a reclusive life leaving everyone I knew behind, I guess life is never that way when the said everyone are still the same fantastic people you knew the year before. Some things just don't change.
But for now the time that has passed and the fact that it's a new year hasn't really sunk in because my clock still measures my life in terms of army events. Taiwan is tonight! And after Taiwan is basically the little little stuff that fills up the time before joint term. The day of reckoning will come sooner or later and I know in a few months the short future will be decided as well. Seems kind of exciting.
Further proof of how much the devil wears D&G: when celene said I'd be a man by march I straightaway assumed she was talking about the commissioning parade on the 20th. My mind just didn't think that she could be talking about my 20th birthday on the 2nd. Some things just take precedence after a while.
OFF TO TAIWAN. TO BECOME EVEN MANLIER.
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| I got your runaway smile in my piggy bank baby gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes. |
[28 Dec 2009|02:22am] |
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Heels Over Head by Boys Like Girls |
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Okay so maybe I didn't keep my promise in the last post when I said I'd continue. It's way too much trouble trying to recall everything and besides, all of you know how hard it is to write about something when you don't have the inclination, or inspiration to.
So let's just summarize my OCS life for the past few weeks in a paragraph shall we. I've been enjoying my time in my bunk exploiting nigelyeo's JBL speakers to the max and picking up all the new songs that he listens to and letting him listen to some of my songs like Bruised by Jack's Mannequin even though it's sad that we can't really get any new music cause we're stuck in SAFTI but it's still awesome anyway. And this week I've been hungover on Boys Like Girls I'm just so hooked. Besides that I helped out in the Jan batch's commissioning parade and got to wear the gorgeous number one. It's the best excuse for a guy to be vain me and nigel spent quite a while in our mirrors basically admiring ourselves hahaha. Okay but back to the point. The parade wasn't quite as fun as the post-parade cause we just went around talking to all the rj dudes that we haven't seen in a while and collecting angpows from the new sirs. I returned to my bunk after that and opened one and found a cadet rank inside. Whoever that joker is, and I know I know you and you know me, I will find you. I promise.
Okay that paragraph was pretty long and I left out a heck lot of details but it's just tough remembering things. Especially when the events of this year just flew past like they were nothing. Seriously, what happened to the innocent young boys and girls of the fresh batch of '08? I look at some pictures now and I can't believe how different everyone is. And how fast the change took place. It's as if we walked out of school and decided hey it's time to project a different image and feel. Time to be more manly or ladylike. And presto 2009 is finished and most of us feel different, as hweeleong concurs.
This flurry of thoughts was kindly introduced into my mind as I spent my time the past few days with the most varied groups of people possible and just observing them all over again and seeing how they've changed. I bet some people are damn uncomfortable knowing that I'm doing this as if I'm undressing them with my eyes (this isn't an original line from me, I just can't remember where I came across it) but yeah I automatically do that to most people I see. Once I stepped out of SAFTI on Thursday afternoon I already had a rough plan of who I was going to see. That evening I went to the Behs' place to, apparently, help out with the baking of some christmas stuff that danielbeh, aaronlum and murielmanning wanted to give out. In the end, because I had booked out so late, all I needed to do was to write the "MERRY CHRISTMAS" on the small pieces of paper.
And because I was so lucky, I got asked to stay for the big dinner that they were preparing for some other families.
And because I am so thick-skinned and because I cannot resist food like this, I accepted. And got quite a feast, I must say.
I tell you, the whole Christmas season as the world perceives it, besides trying to rip you off your money, also destroys your diet. I binge the most during the period, whether I want to or not. What can you do when someone's mother (and it doesn't hurt if she's a fantastic cook) says
"You must eat more arh."
"You must help me to finish arh, only two more dishes to go."
"Why you eat so little? (despite the fact that I've already downed three servings) Eat more eat more."
"After this still got dessert hor."
And you must remember, as a Ngiam most people expect you to be the tanker and the finisher. I wish I could bring my brother to every single buffet meal. Then at least there'd be two Ngiams tanking it. And even sometimes that's not enough. The next night, Christmas night, we had a family reunion on my mother's side. And with reunions come an overload of food. Despite the presence of three Ngiams it wasn't quite enough to battle the onslaught. As usual, everyone just tapowed home and I went home bursting.
I have, in a matter of days, just like Norwegian Recycling, made 6 become 1.
Yesterday's class gathering was yet another feast. Mervyn's father is seriously some cook. Every single thing there was just freaking awesomely good. Even the dishes that I tend to stay away from, in particular this time the kong ba just managed to meld with the fried rice perfectly even though there was already curry on it. It just oozed joy and pleasure. I was so used to going to the table and getting a plate of fried rice after a few rounds that later on, when I decided to go get a drink instead, I unconsciously tried to scoop the fried rice into my cup but stopped myself in time.
Okay but besides all the food, I've been hanging around different dudes, like I mentioned. The actual Christmas day was spent with my brother jalan jalaning around the city hall area. I've never done that before in my life. It's like the 2+ years worth of the Berlin wall came crashing down and we HTHT like never before. It was incredible. Outstanding. Some of the things I meant to bring up with him, he brought up first. And so after this episode, we're much more like real brothers now. It took quite a number of years, but I'm glad it finally happened.
Then I managed to convince him to join me in joining the other young people from church who were at Starbucks. After stoning for a few minutes, we decided it just wasn't our style so I asked him and aaronlum eh let's go play arcade. I don't know what made me think of going to the arcade. I haven't been there in years. But damn, it was a good decision. Even though I spammed money like free there on Time Crisis with my brother and other random games IT WAS DAMN FREAKING FUN. And some of the other church dudes were there too. The arcade is now one of my favourite places, though I know I'll probably go there damn rarely to unwind.
Freak it's damn freaking fun! I think my life has been too serious of late years. I've forgotten what it's like to be a stupid retarded kid finding pleasure in things like this. I even dragged daryl yesterday afternoon to go there and play again even though he didn't really like it cause he died easily. Haha.
Before that happened I woke up early in the morning and went to Kembangan to play some ball with hanwee and his tj dudes. And aikho also came along with his mj dudes. And yongjie also came along with his poly dudes. And then hanlin hanwee's brother also brought along rj dudes. So it was a smorgasbord of players all at kembangan that morning. Talked cock with some of them who were specs already posted out, and it seems like our SAF is making a lot of structural changes, especially with regard to manpower. And seriously, talking to them all made me realise how different we all are and how some of them are damn funny. I like this kind of exchange programme. I learn much more than what I get in rj sometimes.
This afternoon, after church, I played ball with some of the youth from church and my brother. Yes, that means I am thoroughly burnt red now. But I'm not going to talk about the game. I'm going to talk about a conversation I had with the cleaning auntie of the CC after the rest had rushed off and I was still stoning around cooling down. Translated from chinese:
"Boy arh you all finished playing already arh."
"Ya auntie they all left already only I left here resting. Tired la."
"You all having holidays is it? I never see you all around here until lately" (we had played a weekend before)
"Ya they're all having school holidays. I'm in the army but got break."
"You all from poly?"
"No leh from JC."
"Waa JC good leh. JC smart."
"No laaa not smart la okay only I sometimes lazy."
"Actually, can tell you all from JC."
"Can meh? How come leh?"
"You all very guai. Not like the other boys I always see here. All go and curse and swear and get rough. That's why I think JC kids tend to be more...how to say... guai lor. You all know how to behave yourself."
Now, I'm not trying to make an elitist statement here. In fact, I had very much wanted to say that no please, JC kids also swear like free and fight like free and I'm guilty of that sometimes. But no la, I thought it best not to ruin that auntie's nice golden impression. But my main point is this. There are eyes everywhere watching. Especially when you're completely not aware of it. How we behave when we're not being watched is perhaps the best measurement of our character. (Again, another unoriginal line and forgotten source) And the fact that GBC kids were there today playing cleanly and leaving a good impression on a member of the community that we are so close to is definitely a plus point for us.
All the tracts and verses that we go around giving are of little use once we choose not to live our lives the way we say we should live it.
One of my favourite quotes, first introduced to me by sambeh. "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Mahatma Gandhi
So how now?
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[20 Dec 2009|09:59pm] |
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Today I randomly made a Nigerian friend.
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[13 Dec 2009|07:03pm] |
Alright so this is way overdue.
The past month has been the toughest period of my OCS stint, mainly because we went to Brunei for training and the Jungle Confidence Course. Now, I am too lazy and am also probably not allowed to furnish you with details about my training, so I'll talk about something else instead.
I want to become a man. A real one.
I've learned a lot about myself and where I want my life to be headed during the trip. And it's probably because of the veritable adage: Failure is the reason why we can pick ourselves up and succeed. The whole 21 days was all about failures and frustration for me. When you're that fatigued and at the brink of exploding at the person who just mildly irritates you, you tend to screw up a lot. It was like that for me. I didn't even have the time to harbor the fear of failure, as most of us are prone to. All I was doing was just doing. Trying to keep up every single minute without losing focus or falling asleep. And of course, along the way I kept missing out key details and important items.
The most miserable day was when I held a major appointment for the final exercise and just screwed up badly in front of all the instructors and some big shots. That was the all-time low.
And if I were to list the other failures I went through in Brunei, I wouldn't be able to book in in time tonight. But if there's any lesson I've learned at all in the army, it's to just forget it. Just have to forget how I felt yesterday, forget how bad I looked yesterday, forget how my actions sparked off terrible repercussions yesterday, and just focus on today and what's going to happen next. Oh, and remember exactly why I failed and make sure it doesn't happen again.
My PC gave me the stone I used for wargaming on the morning of that exercise. I'm keeping it. Use as souvenir, he joked. It'll mean much more than that.
It would have been damn difficult to ameliorate the crappy mood that I was in had there not been the presence of outstanding individuals who just inspired me like never before. The further you run along the race called life, the more men you meet who are worthy of the utmost admiration and respect, each new one demanding more veneration than the previous one because of the life and values that he lives out. Now, I'm pretty sure everyone hates all the fluff about finding our personal values to live by, but when you meet someone who believes that he's truly living for something and doing his utmost to achieve this purpose without slacking off, you can't help but respect this man.
The Master Sergeant who was part of our training cadre is one such man. The first impression I got of him was shit this guy looks like Jean-Claude Van Damme. If anyone my age used to watch retarded movies when we were freaking young, that's the actor who played Guile in Street Fighter (yes, you can laugh now). His physique and mannerisms and even his hair was exactly like that. After my initial amusement, though, I figured the man is no simple stuff. The way he talked seemed like he did not speak good english, but when you listened closely it was perfect. Obviously, he learned it by himself from scratch. He demanded extreme efficiency from us without making us feel unfairly treated like some others do. He never once raised his voice or bothered to shout at us, and apologized when he swore. How many specialists around do that? He had the highest of standards during our rifle inspection. He made us the first OCS wing ever to have a successful initial inspection without any screw ups.
I had the chance on the last night to just sit around with other dudes to have a long talk with him. And as it got later only me and tedkin were still around at 3am talking about his life. You seldom get to talk to an N-level SOF Ranger who's so motivated about what he's doing that he advocates waking up every morning and psychoing oneself into loving the fact that one is going to bash through jungles and roll in the mud. According to him, that's the only way you'll be satisfied with life's shit.
And unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, I have to end this post abruptly. I will continue another time.
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[14 Nov 2009|12:37am] |
I've kind of forgotten how easy it is, with our carnal desires, to be completely smitten with someone we do not even know.
I met a woman last week.
In her youth, she probably was a promising lady (coming out of RGS, you seldom expect less). She was fresh out of a local university, recently married, and probably enjoying her life very much.
Until death knocked on the door and took the husband away. While she was expecting their firstborn.
The firstborn never did arrive.
Things might have ended there, but as fate would have it the mother-in-law was a traditional superstitious chinese matriarch who put the blame on her zodiac sign, claiming that she was too much of a powerful tigress for her husband. In this age we might dismiss it easily, but the duress that this woman went through was probably much more than we could imagine after going through all that.
So she decided to pack her bags and leave for a postgraduate life in the states. Where she met another promising young man and remarried.
I don't know which is the lesser of the two pains: death or a failed love, but this woman had to go through both in both her marriages. Shortly after her divorce, she returned to Singapore with her daughter. But she couldn't really assimilate into the new Singaporean lifestyle. Till this day, the attitudes and priorities we young Singaporeans hold fast to don't make sense to her. Nor to her daughter.
At the age of 15, her daughter went back to a better place.
Now this woman spends her life pretty much alone, shunning the crowds and the new-fangled consumer goods that we all chase after today.
They say everyone's life is book-worthy, but I think some of us have far more shit in our lives than the rest.
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[08 Nov 2009|12:20am] |
Sometimes, it's kind of sad coming out of camp to realize you don't really have anything much to say to anyone else anymore.
Worse still, you start feeling more and more like no one really understands your point of view anymore. It's not about feeling more elite than those around you. It's the fact that almost the whole world is on a different frequency from you and your signal strength with most of them never reaches 5.
So for right now, conversations with those who haven't gone through the army and girls basically break off on an awkward note. It's not like no one foresaw this, it's just that it's quite sad that I've become so boring when I book out. I keep consoling myself saying it only lasts as long as you're an OCT and I hope it's true. Maybe it's also true that I don't like making myself appear vulnerable by elucidating my thoughts like this regularly, but I guess hiding my weaknesses adds on to my aura of unfriendliness.
But whenever I feel like this there are always always the very select few in my life who jump right back in front of me and remind me that
Idiot you are not the only one who thinks this certain way
You are not the only one who holds on like a prig to certain values
You are not the only one who actually finds worth in all this
You are not that unique. What, you think you very special arh.
And just knowing there's at least one dude who's still on the exact frequency as me keeping me from hollanding gives me motivation for one or two months. Almost no one can do this. Few peers actually understand, criticise, advise, and instruct me on what I think or do. Even fewer allow me to return the favour equally.
So yes thanks. You know it's just weird for us to say anything more than a monosyllable when it comes to things like this.
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| But other girls were never quite like this. Mm-mmmmm |
[01 Nov 2009|09:00am] |
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I've Just Seen A Face by Jim Sturgess |
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With Wolf+Dump In and two Hunters this last week
And another Hunter, Crusoe and Castaway this coming week
4 SOCs and 2x6km route marches the following week
And Lancer straight after that
With seriously only 48 hours to get redcon status before every single one of these
Top it all off with the fact that I've been the CW2IC for 4 weeks already, and maybe this week again
And most guys can probably understand why I have had no time to blog or even for myself.
The weekends for the past month or more haven't been spent with other people as a result. Okay that was a lie. I don't really feel like getting off my ass and arranging to meet people when most of the time either one of us are so late that there's too little time left or I kenna pangsehed. So yeah until I get more time to enjoy it's kind of hard to get out there, spend money and have fun.
So the one and only person I've been spending the most time with outside of camp is My Mother. Now I don't know if many people know but my mother is actually a very funny person. I'll never forget the time when I was in sec 4 and eating a lot and she said, "You eat and eat and eat like a caterpillar but you never grow into a beautiful butterfly."
I laughed so hard back then because I never knew she was capable of saying stuff like this. And last friday night I got home and switched on the TV to some chinese show that was playing so my mother just plonked herself next to me. In the show there was this guy who was sick and asked someone else to make porridge with luncheon meat for him because it reminded him of his mother when he was a boy.
The very next day my mother made me porridge with luncheon meat. So yeah nowadays we talk more and that might mean much more nagging and scolding but it seems to be quite fun now. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have someone do that to you instead of you telling others what to do.
Speaking of that I think we've all changed since the day we've stepped into OCS. I realised it when I saw the Jan batch while I was still in BMT. OCTs are just different after a while. And of course that is probably attributed to the magnitude of saikang, pt and stress that we all go through. But like I say I never think it's a bad thing. You go through so much shit in the muddy shellscrape in marsiling with your seccom benedict falling asleep behind you and arjun venkatesh going around doing all the saikang and you have derrick using his shellscrape as a bathtub to sleep and everyone just sleeping like logs in the middle of the night waiting for the enemy to attack. It's all these that I don't easily forget and it's because of these that you all level up together to get manlier. Much manlier. Marc said he never thought he would prone down in the mud but look at all of us now one shot and we're down in 2 seconds, thanks to our PC's insistence on IFC.
What's perhaps more valuable is the oppurtunities you get to learn to lead your peers. Sure, we hear that all the time that OCS will teach you leadership but I don't think we really get it until we are put in a position where we have to give instructions, think on the spot and consider everyone's welfare all at the same time. There's no time to go er..er or script what you want to say. You have to go up there and just be confident enough to talk to a whole wing, 30% of which you still don't know, swiftly and accurately so that things can run like clockwork. You can't afford to make many mistakes. Or even if you do, you have to remedy it as quickly as possible. You have to take the damn initiative and have the balls to bring things up to your superiors and challenge some decisions without getting your ass kicked.
In a sense I think OCS has been a much better teacher than Council has been. Besides the higher echelons who have far greater chances for leading, decision making, public speaking and working with superiors, the mere peons seldom learn much if they're not motivated to, mostly doing all the staff work like the oocs. And the limitations as a JC student as compared to being in an all-guys environment is significant. We students never believed it nice to criticise each other's work or put a swift stop if someone was wasting time indulging his or herself. It just wasn't nice. Now, I'm not saying we should all be hardcore goal-focused machines or bastards who just go around finding flaws with everyone. But we've all got to learn sooner or later to be a bit more objective when working on an assignment and less worried about offending the person who's in the wrong or not doing things right. I guess part of growing up is really learning how to ,firstly, say no, and then secondly, correct a person. Fundamentals, if I might dare say. The next lesson would be learning how to regulate it and do it with tact. With panache. With charm. Then you're probably all set as a young man to go out and next learn to dominate the world.
So I'll just tank every single thing and even the signal set for now because in the end it'll all be, like we like to say, sui.
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[10 Oct 2009|03:25pm] |
TWO HUNDRED MORE DOLLARS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT BABY.
AND A NEW PERSONAL BEST AT 9:29.
I love my training and I love what I get from it.
And shit the NBA season is going to start again. I just got home and checked out nba.com hoping to see some shaq-lebron action but the other matches are damn exciting already. Like the Trailblazer-Clipper match. All the new exciting players are very flashy indeed, even when both teams didn't do very well last season. Of course, maybe it's got something to do with the first draft pick Blake Griffin. I actually read about him months before the draft. Yet another baptist! And of course you've got Baron Davis and you've got Greg Oden, both of which you haven't seen playing very well in a long time. And Sebastian Telfair is not bad at all. And after that I checked out the Laker-Warrior game and woo Monta Ellis. And KG is now back with Sheed.
I am very much looking forward to my future saturday bookouts indeed.
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[06 Oct 2009|11:22am] |
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It feels damnnn good to be back in camp.
Except that they like to tell you less than an hour before Change of Command that you are the new CW2IC.
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
Be a man.
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| Cause I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they try to teach me how to dance |
[03 Oct 2009|02:15pm] |
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Fireflies by Owl City |
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A few weeks back someone, after finding out what kind of music I listen to, told me go check out Owl City. I'm sorry I forgot your name, because as grace says, I have goldfish memory. But you should be from my platoon. A few nights ago edlyn said some found Owl City better than The Postal Service.
And that's when I said okay it's time to go give a listen because in my mind, I couldn't really think of anything that could rival or better Ben Gibbard's side project. And here comes Owl City's Fireflies and I am hooked by just one song.
Check it.
Adam Young is a "clean-cut Baptist musician" who appears guai-er than most geeks from rj and he's already making sounds like these. Sounds that I could really get used to. Granted, the harsher reviews are right in saying that his lyrics are basically reflective of his immaturity and innocence. But as other reviews show, "Clearly, though, that innocence is part of the attraction for younger listeners."
He sounds like a boy Gibbard. Fireflies is faster and happier than, say, Such Great Heights. And it just makes me feel good. Like most of the songs I've been searching for these days. After watching Across The Universe I've been listening to the Beatles over again and feeling good all over again.
I think Feeling Good is a good feeling. So don't ignore the link above like most people usually ignore those links on their f-pages and be happy.
And if you have the time, go listen to these.
That 70's Song by The Cab
She Loves You by The Beatles
I've Just Seen A Face by Jim Sturgess (covering The Beatles)
Relator by Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson (yes dudes she's singing too)
Of course, these aren't for you if you are feeling damn pissed off about the end of block leave, your prelim results, your horrible new uni life, or whatever it is that's making you feel all boo boo now.
Musiccc.
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| You say this storm will pass. We'll work it out. The road can get a little rough sometimes. |
[01 Oct 2009|01:23pm] |
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That 70's Song by The Cab |
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Might be a little lag, but I watched Across The Universe this morning.
SHE LOVES YOU YEAH YEAH YEAH.
I love that song. Even if it was only one line mixed in All You Need Is Love.
Initially it seemed damn good to be free from the confines of SAFTI MI. But these few days I've been stoning around trying to find something to do with my life so much that it's seriously become damn boring. The boys are all in their camps the girls are all in their schools the boys not in their camps are doing uni apps. Which is what I'm supposed to be doing incidentally. And there are few things you can do to have fun outside without spending money, and I really don't want to spend any now.
The short of what I'm trying to say is that I actually wanna go back. Get some order back in life. Even sitting cross legged in SBO on the mud with the SAR on your right shoulder stoning around with your section waiting for something to happen beats sitting around here getting fat and stupid doing nothing.
Or maybe I'm just a boring person.
I am bored.
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[29 Sep 2009|04:34pm] |
I have been tying the Half Windsor for years without knowing.
“It is profitable for us who are prone to sloth and have become too comfortable in this world to be tossed here and there so that we may turn our eyes to heaven.”
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| Such boundless pleasure, we've no time for later |
[25 Sep 2009|10:21am] |
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Let Go by Frou Frou |
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Yes, service term is finally over and I'm here sitting in front of the computer on a perfect morning and enjoying the sun coming through the windows. Like I said, there's just so much to say. But I've changed my mind about recording every single moment. Firstly, cause its impossible to. Secondly, the euphoria, the irritation, the numbness, the everything would've been better talked about during or just after the moment. Seems too stale to bring the affairs of a week ago up all over again. All I know is that I've had a spanking good time the last two weeks of service term.
We've had countless changes in our platoon strength recently and people having been flying here and there leaving and joining us. Its weird but nowadays I miss people less. Maybe the entire gravity of people coming and going into my life hasn't sunk in yet. Or maybe these people just don't mean much in my life. Cruel. I never thought I'd see the day saying this but as much as I want to keep as many people in my life, there are those that I want out too. That being said, I won't ever forget some who've just left the indelible scar or smile on my face. It's what makes life liveable.
So now all the artillery fellas have left. I'd rather some didn't go actually. It's weird, but in camp when I see them everyday there isn't much to talk about sometimes. I just crave their company and I only feel their absence when they're really gone. Doing guard duty with samuel was probably the only time I really got to talk to him seriously. And even though it was freaking sian having to stone around looking at cars or waiting for phonecalls I think we remembered it quite a lot. Having fahmi drop by my room sometimes and just talking about whatever we've just done was something I didn't really get to do with anyone else. And I'm finding out more and more everyday why people love being camwhores. I just need something to remember everyone. My memory doesn't serve me well, as my platoon mates never cease to remind me.
The girls from school are all flying off one by one too. Going to a new school. Unfortunately, I can't book out whenever I want. And I don't take compassionate leave. I hope they have a damn good time there. And I'm sorry if I'm making this sound emotionless because I don't want to make it so. Sometimes I really do want to preserve friendships and everything but the more I live life the more I find that the other side isn't as interested in doing so. So let go let go. It's alright, cause there's beauty in the breakdown. Maybe in five years time, we'll become even better friends. You just got to keep on holding on to the thoughts of every single person in your life who has tried to touch you, even if it was just once.
But God has a way of topping up the number of awesome people around you when there's attrition. And for now they come in the form of sispec crossovers, psc scholars and sierra wing crossovers. We just haven't got to know each other well enough yet. But we've got the whole of 6 more months, baby. And the dudes staying on in infantry. I don't know what to say except that this has been a crazy ride so far. We've probably gone through shit together much more than with anyone else in our lives and even though we don't click with every single person the fact that we're all still fighting to stay in makes the first platoon feel so different from everyone else who's just trying to get out.
Joash, dude, if you ever read this I really wish you could've stayed on with us man. Being with the boys has always been a pleasure. I've said it before and I don't think I'll ever change my mind. I thrive in testosterone-charged environments. I can never describe the quiet pleasure of having your bro right next to you doing the same thing as you wanting to do the same thing pushing you to do the same thing the right thing doing all these things without saying a single word.
And of course, there are always the dudes who will probably stay in your life forever and ever. Not even because we take special pains to do so, but because we're drawn to do so and have damn good reasons for doing so. The other day I told chianfern:
"I miss school."
"I don't leh. Only thing I want to remember is you all."
"Ya but school was 70% us."
"Ya we're the only thing that made school worth it."
We played last sunday, and we're going to play on sunday again. And we'll keep playing on more and more sundays until we grow old together and die playing together.
I didn't limit the dudes who stay in my life forever to those who play. Our house d is the best ever. On monday we went to Kristine Ong's wedding. Mrs. Loo I mean. We hadn't met for months, and I think at first we were trying to recall how we used to feel around each other. But once we started getting the tempo going again I think we all just remembered damn, we were damn good together and we still are damn good together.
Congratulations to the bride and groom. It was one of the best weddings I had ever been to. Well planned, well executed, fantastic concept, happy faces, happy people, BEAUTIFUL SUCCULENT FOOD, and most importantly, one of the happiest exchanging of vows. I think that day all of us were happy just by looking at them.
Finally, there are the people who've, over time, become a bigger and bigger part of my life once I started to open up to them. Heck, we'll be around each other for years and I think God can only make things better and better. Pastor Arnold has come in, Ollie is always there for us, I've got to know the youths and young adults much better, and every bookout I just relish the chance to go to church and pray and worship. A bit over a year ago you wouldn't have ever heard me saying this. It's just that this year, with the whole internship and army experience, I've just wanted God more and more. And I haven't been looking for Him enough in camp. I want to worship but there's only the precious sunday where I can fully throw myself into it with others. I can finally understand the thirsting and hunger. I am guilty of so much but like the tax collectors and prostitutes, I am forgiven time and time again. People say that so often but the meaning behind it just isn't communicated. It's only when I sin I sin I sin every single day and am fully aware of it that I know shit okay God you are Lord. I am a helpless fledging bird right now when it comes to expressing what I feel about Him now but that isn't important. All that's important is that I know I'm feeling the need. And being blessed all the time by God through ollie, uncle kim meng, samuelbeh, kangping, and all the other brothers is just testament to how God is so awesome.
Damn, I did it again and only remembered the boys. Truth be told, I still don't know the girls from church very well but I know they're also quite an awesome bunch.
Who do retarded things like this and make me laugh in camp.
This block leave will be full of goodbyes and I think they'll be awesome ones.
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[25 Sep 2009|12:12am] |
There's really a lot to say. And remember.
So I'll do it very soon.
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[13 Sep 2009|12:33am] |
Today, we got our berets.
Today, they called me M. Bison when I wore my beret.
Tonight, we are confined.
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[07 Sep 2009|05:20pm] |
WAHAHA.
THE LOW ROPE IS OVERCOME.
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[05 Sep 2009|03:06pm] |
Let me tell you.
That two of the best lessons in life is learning how to enjoy the smallest pleasures to the maximum, and how to stay worried about the biggest problems to the minimum.
It makes life good.
Things like going for baybeats last sunday night with josh lorraine celene and meeting a whole bunch of other dudes around there and feeling happy listening to whatever I could listen to for free and anberlin was good even though we had to leave after a while and I was tired but happy and I figured I seriously love using every single minute of my bookout going all out doing the things I can't do even though it makes me super tired when I bookin even though it burns a hole in my wallet even though I end up having damn little time to get my stuff done in camp. But somehow, things always work out and I always find time to get the stuff done.
Yeah, life is good.
And the smallest things like a change of command stripping me of my temporary administrative rank made me near ecstatic, even though I tried to hide it as best as I could. Other things like getting a new buddy and roomate (finally) who I can talk cock with, mug with, and more importantly, help me to do all the stuff that needs to be done in our bunk. I am pragmatic. I am kidding.
You'd think three tests in a week is tough. Or maybe SOC. Or maybe tekan sessions. But seriously, since when have there been no cockups in the game you play called life? It's just that some people get more than others. We are not born equal. But we can become men if we choose to.
So this morning I became a bit manlier when our wing went to Kent Ridge for a 5km run. I used to think I'll always hate running but now I don't even mind. Just hanging around the platoon guys makes life funner already. Especially since we've all gotten so used to each other. Which makes what PC said about infantry true. It's all about the people. Fighting in the army is seldom about anything else, except for self-preservation. But why do you preserve yourself? That's a question I think millions of people don't bother to answer. After that was even better. Hanwee yongjie benedict and I decided on the spot that we'd go play basketball with the other platoons cause they'd brought a ball. And we even pulled lieutenant vick along since he had nothing to do. We thought we'd go to NUS but there were no parking places there. Thats a minus point in my book. So we went to SIngapore Poly which is a damn awesome place. And played and played and played. I love the fact that I still can play even though I'm in the army. Even though I hate the fact that I haven't been playing with the rj guys for too long. Our schedules clash too much.
But we shall perservere.
Right yonghan?
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| There may not! Be another way into your heart! So I guess I better find! A new way in! |
[30 Aug 2009|02:22am] |
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Shiver by Maroon 5 |
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I'm back from Scorpion King.
People usually give their account of how tiring and nasty the exercise usually is. I don't think I need to build on what those who've gone before me have actually angsted about it, cause it's seriously basically the same thing except for a few variations. For us it was an added attack mission on top of the original two attack and defence missions that the other wings go through. And ours was five days. I'll leave you all to think about whether echo wing cadets' lives are better or not.
It really feels quite good to have finished it right now though. We can officially start feeling like laojiaos because neither bravo nor sierra have undergone it yet, and I seriously think that their experience won't be the same. And right now you can actually go out and say I've completed Scorpion King (or Spade for the even more lao laojiaos) and people will look at you with a different eye. At first I thought that one of the major reasons why people press on in the army is because of the buddy next to you motivating you with his presence. But now I realise that the Man's ego plays probably an equal part in spurring him on. Most dudes seriously relish the times when they can say I went through SK and now I'm more of a man than junior cadets are! Nothing like the toughest shittiest things to give your pride a big boost. Though this kind of pride is seriously quite crappy when you know the person sometimes, I guess anything that keeps you going is useful.
So we came back to find that our platoon was going to be confined for 24 hours when during the whole 4 days without sleep all we kept thinking about was our friday night out. But no matter, we spent today just hanging around. I seriously enjoy being the First Bed of the First Section of the First Platoon of Echo Wing. The jokers around are seriously entertaining sometimes. And though most of the time I don't really have much to say, the guys will always come around and chat in my bunk. I have no idea how I've been surviving alone without a buddy in my bunk with my appointment. Actually I do. It's the guys like chewguan junkai tedkin who just come around and talk cock and talk chinese and just make me laugh. And I can always pop by marc and joash's or daniel's or benedict's place (okay a room isn't exactly a place but still) and just hang around when I actually get my free time. By the way MY FREE TIME HAD BETTER BE COMING there's a limit to how much you limit me to. But yes, with these cocksters around confinement never seems too painful.
Not doing well everytime I go outfield is though. It's baffling how my body can't really acclimatize itself to the outfield training quite yet. I've figured it was the long 4s and LBV doing the damage but nothing much I can do about that. I honestly don't want to become a liability. Seldom in my life have I played that role and I seriously hate it. If anything I'm going to train like mad to just overcome this stupid knoll that is outfield so that the instructors can stop giving me the look that no one has ever given me before the army.
I WILL WORK HARDER.
-Boxer.
Okay I've realised that most people will usually not read anything until the point of the post where things actually are not army jargon and actually make sense, so this is the start of that point.
Honestly, honestly. There are definitely those shitty, crappy moments during my training and I feel crazy demoralized when it comes to those points. Which are getting more and more often as we go outfield more and more. But the people around me make my life seriously damn awesome and it all balances out. Especially when I get my bookout and I meet the people I haven't seen in months, maybe years. I just came back from Dempsey House where sabooi was having her debut and it was just a kickk meeting people I haven't seen in a while. And usually when it comes to these events I decide to hush up and absorb like a sponge. But when you're in the army you learn to appreciate the friends you have and you just try to spend the most awesome short moments you can have. There were a heck lot of rj people there and I managed to chat with some of the bb councillors. Got to catch up after that in ben and jerry's with alexis and eileen as well. And when you actually decide to open your big mouth you realise hohoho everyone's lives might be going in different ways but man, that's just no reason not to share it with the people you know. At one point last time I thought it was pointless to talk about irrelevant issues that your conversation partner would have no idea and no interest in. But damn, if we don't do that I think I'll never talk to anyone outside of the army for a very long long time.
Like I said, meeting these people was damn awesome and bookouts are just going to continue being like that as much I can plan it to be. Which is quite easy because most dates usually fall into place before I even take the initiative to plan them out. The only spanner in the system is the confinements that pop out of nowhere.
But that is the life of an Officer Cadet.
And that is the life I am damn determined to stay right in right now.
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[16 Aug 2009|07:25pm] |
OCS is tough.
BUT I AM TOUGHER.
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[10 Aug 2009|12:01am] |
I'm back from a gruelling two weeks!
People ask me how's army. I tell them it's been damn tiring but it's been good. It's been good. Honestly. Then there'll be the speck of surprise on their faces. This field camp week has been one of the craziest shit I've had so far and I'm tired and affected just like everyone else. I fell out again because of heat cramps but this time I've finally realised it's all cause I don't eat and drink properly outfield and it's just stupid of me not to do so so I'll make sure it never happens ever again. I made a lot of mistakes and picked up a couple of extras. Sure, I felt super disgruntled that one of the most important precious days of freedom was going to be replaced by guard duty but after a while it was okay. I've just been quite drained but things are still looking good so far. I really think our training so far hasn't warranted us breaking down and giving up.
Still, I can't say there's been no damage. I now recount with profound amusement my experience on friday morning. I had planned to wake up earlier at 4 to settle some outstanding stuff. Instead, my exhausted body and mind chose to jerk me up at 3 and I somehow got the idea that I had been contacted by the enemy and my entire section was in my room forming an extended line so I got up still half conscious and proned between the two beds.
Okay for those who didn't understand a word of the jargon, basically I thought there was an enemy and lay flat on my front with my head up facing the front.
And I never really woke up and realised what I was doing until the alarm rang at 4 and I was shit what am I doing I'm going crazy but I'm so tired heck it all I'm going to sleep.
Yeah. Okay la but beside all the fatigue I'm still finding worth in what I'm doing. Most think I'm crazy though.
We had a combined buddy outing on friday night. With pachara shiwei karwei john and me. To be honest I find myself quite unable to partake in a lot of conversations because I really have nothing to say or offer. So like john said, now I'm a sponge absorbing and absorbing without squeezing out. I think the girls were pretty amused at one point where john and I were talking about what ocs was like. Probably seemed as if they were witnessing two extreme ends of what guys usually feel about the army. The two of us sometimes disagree very energetically on this topic, but we never get unfriendly cause I believe we always come to the understanding that the two of us are just too different people holding too different views.
I got to spend my saturday doing guard duty. Sucky as that sounds, I think it wasn't too bad. I got to talk to a lot of the RPs and seriously, their lives are so different and sometimes more interesting than A level students like us. I immensely enjoy talking to these people. I think it's too myopic and foolish not to. Besides. We're going to be officers. We're not going to have all A level students under us. It'd only make things damn difficult if we don't take the effort to step out of our comfort zone in our cliques and make more friends. But okay I don't want to talk too much about that.
Besides that I got to read Mere Christianity during my desk duty. And I'm just reminded that there's this moral compass in us, between us and others and for us and in the army it's just too easy to ignore the fact that there is a goodness that was originally meant for us but we have to conscientiously keep working towards it. We're just too used to only following orders otherwise. It's curious how I decided to pick up that book at the start of army because it was meant for soldiers and Lewis constantly used metaphors which just make things appear so simple. Army army army.
I think my buddy line is one of the most qiang and I'm damn proud to be part of it. Today we had an outing from the 24th to 29th cause they were back for their summer break. They are outstanding individuals and it's just difficult to keep up the standards that the older ones set. We were talking nonsense about how we should diversify our talents though. We'd all become pros in our different niches and TAKE OVER SINGAPORE but no that's just me talking nonsense. Seriously though, it's impressive how the council seniors are just so pro.
Nevermind. We'll each of us find out where we're going or decide where we're going and we'll just make sure we'll become outstanding in whatever path we take anyway. I just can't wait for every single tomorrow.
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